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The fable of the turtle and the leech

The young turtle lived in a pleasant pond with plenty of sunlight, wonderful logs to rest on, friends to chat with, and there was usually enough food (although it always seemed like the adults ate more than they really needed and food was becoming less plentiful than it used to be). His life was a joy.

On his 16^th birthday, his parents approached him to discuss his future. They explained that now he was older, it was time for him to start working and to start “contributing” to the community.

Wanting to be grown up and wanting his parents to think he was responsible, he eagerly agreed to start working. He got a job with the local beaver maintaining the dam that formed the pond. When he showed up to work that morning, the beaver greeted him, showed him his responsibilities, gave him his hard hat, and sent him to the office to have his first leech attached.

“Wait, what?” said the turtle.

“Report to the office so they can attach the leech” said his supervisor.

“Why do I have to apply a leech?” he asked.

“The leeches own the dam, they made all of this happiness possible. Our agreement is that in order to enjoy the benefits of their productivity, we have to allow them to suck our blood.”

“They built the dam?”

“No, the beavers built the dam.”

“Do beavers have leeches attached?”

“Of course” said the supervisor, lifting his fur and showing eight leeches attached to his belly.

“Why do you have to wear leeches if you were the ones who built the dam?”

“Because the leeches are productive, and we benefit from their productivity.”

“How are they productive?”

“They made all of this possible with their innovation, they supply liquidity to the pond.”

“They supplied the water?”

“Well sort of. They made it more liquid.”

“WHAT? They made water more liquid?”

“Yes that’s right and so they deserve to benefit from my labor by taking some of my blood.”

"How did they make water more liquid?" 

"I am not really sure, but they assured me it was true, and why would they lie to me?"

“Doesn’t that make it harder for you to work with so many leeches attached?”

“Sure, I am tired all the time, I have to work longer and get less done, I can barely think about my family by the time I get home because I am so spent.”

“Why don’t you just take the leeches off?”

“I can’t, I owe them. You really should have more respect for the leeches. They are the most productive members of our pond.”

“For making water wet.”

“Exactly.”

"What would happen if you pulled off all of your leeches?"

"The whole pond would be destroyed because the leeches would stop providing liquidity."

“Why don’t we just pull off all the leeches, work together and make the water wet ourselves? We wouldn’t have to work as hard, we would have more time for hanging out with our friends, we wouldn’t have to eat so much, so it would be much easier for the pond to supply us all with enough food. Everyone would be happier if we just stopped feeding the leeches. They aren’t really productive, they are just leeches.”

The beaver realized the young turtle was a communist and he killed him.

Ask fish

Outsourcing edition.

Ahem, Pinko

Mic check.

The price has been set

Justice was swift and harsh. One person gets a demotion and a pay cut.That will teach those soldiers not to kill 24 innocent women and children.

Now that

was some serious football this weekend (both games). Excuse me while I go restart my heart.

I would rather have had the Pats square off against any other team in the NFL, but I guess what must be must be.
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UPDATE: Never say I don't provide space for alternative viewpoints: UPDATE2: Indeed they did:

RIP